Substitute English

One of our unfortunately substitute English teachers was named Miss Mirge and one of the wise-acres in the class nicknamed her "Sub Mirge."

The Walk

It was 8th grade, and there was this girl. Her name was Debbie. It was the first official, no holds barred crush of my life. She was more...well...mature than the rest of the girls in school. She wore make up....mainly heavy eyeliner. I remember perfume too...a lot of perfume. The rumor around school was that she had a boyfriend. And he drove.

We had to take square dancing for 2 weeks every year, and every year I hated it. Except 8th grade. This was the first year I started to get it. Debbie was in my class. The girls and guys lined up on opposite sides of the gym and got paired off with the person they lined up across. I started to get wise to this and somehow figured out a way to "coincidently" get lined up across from Debbie. After the first couple times, I can't imagine she didn't start figuring it out. I distinctly remember she had really clammy hands, but I also distinctly remember that it didn't really matter.

We had study hall together and I noticed that she liked to sit in a specific chair in a cubby by the window. I started to get in the habit of getting to study hall early and sit in the seat next to the cubby, so it would seems like she was sitting next to me. We talked a bit. About what I don't remember.

On the last day of 8th grade my school had Field Day. I had just run the 100 yard dash, and finished somewhere in the top 60% of the class. While basking in the glory, I decided to check out the games going on in the gym.

Debbie was in the hallway. She was with a group of 4 or 5 guys. As I came down the hall she came out to meet me. Normally I would have just broken out into a cold sweat, but since she was with a group of guys, I sensed that something as up.

She asked me where I was going. I told her I was heading the gym to check out the basketball games trying to look as cool as possible.. I looked over her shoulder to see some of the guys laughing. She asked me if I wanted to take a walk in the woods. Now the alarm bells went off and I knew something was really, really wrong. I tried to get away and she grabbed me by the shirt and pushed me against the wall. I pushed her back and ran (using that top 60% speed). As I entered the gym I heard laughing behind me.

I can only guess that I was only one in a line of victims of Debbie and her gang that afternoon. But for months after that fateful afternoon on the last day of my Junior High school education, I wondered what would have happened if I called her bluff and took her up on that walk.

Debate team embarassment

I wasn't involved in any extra-curreicular activities and I went to Catholic school. One of the elderly nuns was concerned about that and she wanted me to participate in some school activity. I didn't have any interest in that. A few of my friends were on the debate team. So I joined so I can hang with my friend. I became a debate team alternate, I'd be there in case someone got sick. I never expected to take part in a debate. My best friend got sick and needed an operation adn I had to take her place on the debate team at the last minute. The topics were assigned and the teams had debate back and forth. My topic was air pollution. I was completely unprepared. I didn't know or care anything about the debates. She gave me all of her cards before she went to the hospital then we went to the debate. I didn't know what was on the cards. It turns out that everyone could argue in great detail and I was unprepared. It was my turn and started to hem and haw, just trying to make sense with what was on the cards. I looked up and the debate team judges were laughing at me. I didn't blame them...but it was really demoralizing. We lost the debate and I quit the team, but everyone tried to get me to stay. But all I could think of were those laughing judges so I ended up quitting and later got the record for school hookey.

Skier/delinquent

One kid, a delinquent who had a bow and arrow setup in his basement, used to attach himself somehow to the back of the bus on a winter's day and use the bus to pull him through the streets like a skier. I don't think he ever got in trouble for it. Maybe they were too scared of him.

Strange sounds from the back of the classroom

My buddy used to get a rise out of the teachers by sitting in the back of the class and making a strange farting noise by rolling a pencil under a hard-cover book. The friction between the hardcover and the ridges of the pencil were what made such a strange sound and it never failed to get frustrated looks from the teacher.

Swim Lessons

Heritage Jr High School, Littleton, CO. 7th grade, 1972. New school, new swimming pool. I hated PE anyway. And I didn’t know how to swim. There was some new requirement with the new school that everyone had to take a swimming class. All PE-classes were single-sex, except that the swim classes were co-ed, I guess to make better use of the facilities. Anyway, I took a beginning-swimming class. The class was full(crowded) of students that already knew how to swim and was taking a beginning-level because it was “easier” (The following year, you couldn’t get into the beginning class unless you could prove you couldn’t swim!). I was one of two boys in the class that absolutely couldn’t swim. The woman coach they had teaching the class didn’t have time to teach the two of us to swim because the class was too full. So the two of us were put into the charge of the student-assistant. The other guy learned to swim. I showed up in my swimsuit everyday, and stood in a corner of the shallow end of the pool. For that, I got the passing grade of “C”. All the boys wore nearly identical dark blue swim trunks that were about like white briefs(underwear) in cut. To this day, I can’t swim. The showers were communal. I hear that these days, because of some Title IX requirement for equal PE instruction, all PE classes are co-ed, and many of the contact-sports have been eliminated.

The Sadistic Gym Teacher

When I was in high school we had a gym teacher- He was supposed to have been a former Mr. Universe or something, with huge arms and a pickled face. He always carried this clipboard around, and was pretty sadistic. He ran us miles and miles, until we dropped. We had to stand out in the cold, no matter what the season. I remember many times having to run in the freezing, early morning rain — all of us shivering and soaked to he bone — wearing only our T-shirts, shorts, socks & shoes.